One-Timer

Thou Shalt Not Choke

2008-02-27T14:02:00.000-08:00

The big news today is that the Ottawa Senators have sacked head coach John Paddock and assistant Ron Low. The Sens have lost 14 of 18 games and that's just not going to cut it. They usually do their loosin' when it counts (in the playoffs), and not a moment sooner. With 18 games left in the regular season, Bryan Murray will descend from his GM perch into the vacant head coach position. As hockey connoisseurs like to say, he's pulling a Lou.

[via Reuters]

And So It Begins...

2008-02-25T13:42:00.000-08:00

TSN is reporting that Peter Forsberg has signed a deal with the Colorado Avalanche for the remainder of the season. This news comes out of left field since Forsberg's agent was letting teams know last week that his client would not be coming back. Said Forsberg:

Over the last several months, I have worked extremely hard in order for this to be possible. I am looking forward to putting this jersey on again. I have so many great memories of my playing days in Denver. I'm excited about helping my new teammates and former teammates in the coming weeks, and hopefully I am able to do that in the very near future.

Forsberg is expected to join the Avs in the coming days and be put on injured reserve for the remainder of the regular season and playoffs by early next week.

[via TSN]

Mats Sundin Is Not A Fan Of Waiving

2008-02-23T10:56:00.000-08:00

Mats Sundin won't be waiving his no-trade clause this season. Said Sundin,

I have to do what feels right in my heart. I just don't think I can go to another team if I don't want to play for another team. That wouldn't be right to myself. That's how I feel right now.

On the one hand, Sundin doesn't want to play for another team. On the other hand, most Leafs fans don't want Sundin to play for their team. Expect a quiet summer in Toronto.

[via TSN]

Zonk! Pow! Bop!

2008-02-22T09:40:00.000-08:00

How hard is it to find a competent acting coach in Los Angeles? Pretty hard, if you're the LA Kings. Look at the YouTube (thanks for the meme, Hillary) and try not to laugh.

[via Deadspin]

We Don't Have No Stinkin' Biases

2008-02-21T07:49:00.000-08:00

Some people like to accuse TSN (The Sports Network, aka Canada's ESPN) of being a tad bit Toronto-centric in its coverage. Others go as far as calling it the Toronto Sports Network. It's hard to argue with that when things like this pop up on TSN's web site.

In yesterday's Hockeynation poll, TSN asked its readers the following question:

Which player, other than Mats Sundin, would be your #1 trade target?

Dan Boyle, TB (4%)
Brian Campbell, BUF (10%)
Marian Hossa, ATL (34%)
Olli Jokinen, FLA (25%)
Brad Richards, TB (22%)
Alex Tanguay, CGY (4%)

Other than Mats Sundin?

Rumor has it that TSN is considering some of these for next week's Hockeynation poll.

Which team, other than the Maple Leafs, made the best trade deadline deal?
Other than Darcy Tucker, who is the biggest pest in the NHL?
Other than Vesa Toskala, who is the most underrated goalie in the league?
Which team, other than the Maple Leafs, has the best shot of winning the cup next year?

Let's Pretend To Make A Deal

2008-02-20T14:24:00.000-08:00

The NHL GM winter meetings are over and it's safe to say the whole thing was a bigger tease than that Natalie Portman-Scarlett Johansson movie. There were no major trades to report, with Jaroslav Modry being the biggest name that changed addresses.

One thing's always cool about these meetings. Well, two, if you count the ever-present possibility of a Kevin Lowe-Brian Burke brawl. In all seriousness, it's always fun to see what funny proposed rule changes emerge from these meetings. Here's the rundown on what the general managers came up with:

One minute penalties during regular season overtime periods: There are two schools of thought on this one. 1: Considering that regular season OT only lasts five minutes, a one minute penalty seems more fair than two minutes for an infraction. 2: If players are stupid enough to take a penalty during four on four OT, they deserve to stew in the box for the full two minutes. I'd agree with the second point. The NHL will ask the AHL to test the proposal next year, before making a decision for 09-10. Who needs market research when the AHL serves as your own personal test market?
Offensive zone faceoffs after a penalty, no matter where the puck is when play is stopped: Most GMs supported this one. The AHL currently has the rule in place and it could be implemented as early as next season in the NHL. Seems fair.
Pushing the start of free agency to July 7 instead of July 1. By golly, all those national holidays take the focus off of the NHL. We need people paying attention to hockey in July! Somehow, I don't really think that's a problem for Canadians. Most Canadians would rather watch whatever free agency special TSN cooks up than have to sit through Sam Roberts on the CBC, for the 10th straight year.
The GMs were split on an 84-game schedule: If Sydney Crosby is your number one draw, it makes so much sense for him to only visit certain cities once every four years. Would anyone really care if Carolina played Atlanta seven times instead of eight?
Them goalies be cheatin': The GMs are serious about tackling the issue of goalie equipment. They mean it this time. Even more than last time.

So that's about it for another exciting year of winter meetings.

Rookies Are Such Easy Targets

2008-02-19T10:15:00.000-08:00

Dallas Stars goalie Marty Turco decided to have a little fun at the expense of team rookie Matt Niskanen. Niskanen, it turns out, drives a Pontiac Sunfire. Obviously, driving that kind of car brings a certain amount of shame to the NHL brotherhood, which is why Turco took it upon himself to have his rookie teammate's car modified or "pimped," as the kids say these days.

What happened to the good old hazing tradition of shaving a rookie's pubes?

Forsberg Not Coming Back

2008-02-18T12:20:00.000-08:00

Peter Forsberg's agent, Don Baizley, has started the process of informing teams that his client won't be coming back to the NHL this season. Forsberg apparently doesn't feel confident that his foot can hold up. According to TSN:

"The prospect of Peter having enough confidence in the foot-skate issue to commit to being able to play in the NHL this season isn't where it needs to be at this moment," Baizley told TSN. "As a result, teams are being told it is unlikely he will be able to commit to return to the NHL this season."

Sasly, no word on how Forsberg's foot injury will affect his ability to model and hawk Crocs in his native Sweden.

Brian Burke Is All Man

2008-02-18T09:07:00.000-08:00

Reading up on various NHL GM's last night, for the Know Your NHL GM game, helped uncover a funny little nugget of information. It turns out that Anaheim GM Brian Burke's middle name is

Marilyn

Marilyn

Marilyn

That had to be a rough childhood, although it might explain why he's in such a bad mood all the time.

Forsberg Decides To Make A Decision Tomorrow

2008-02-18T08:48:00.000-08:00

Flyers GM Paul Holmgren expects Peter Forsberg to make a decision on his playing future tomorrow. Adding Forsberg would be a coup for any team looking to get a boost before the playoffs, without giving anything in return. Well, except for the obvious frustration when Foppa ends up missing what's left of the regular season. Philly and Colorado are rumored to be the most serious contenders for Forberg's services. Chicago also has a chance, apparently.

Lindros Flying High

2008-02-18T07:47:00.000-08:00

Having recently retired, Eric Lindros is about to experience one of the honors that typically come a hall of famer's way: the sweater lynching.

Bob Clarke has not officially gone mad. There's no chance of seeing a number 88 in the Wachovia Center rafters anytime soon. Instead, the Oshawa Generals, the Big E's junior team, is retiring his number on March 6. Per durhamregion.com:

The club announced on Saturday that former superstar Eric Lindros will have his famous No. 88 retired by the club in a ceremony prior to their game that night against the Mississauga St. Michael’s Majors.

Lindros will join the late Red Tilson, and his No. 9, as the only other person to have been honoured as such by the Generals.

Special precautions are being taken to make sure number 88 doesn't get dizzy up there.

Are The Blackhawks Getting Played?

2008-02-17T18:08:00.000-08:00

Word out of Chicago is that the Blackhawks have made an offer to Peter Forsberg and that the Swede is reportedly interested.

Tallon said he's still waiting to hear from free agent Peter Forsberg, who's expected to decide soon whether to return to the NHL and with which team. The Hawks are believed to have made the veteran center an offer for the rest of this season and the next two, which reportedly interests Forsberg.

The Blackhawks? Really? Wasn't Forsberg interested in Stanley Cup contenders? This might be a ploy by the Forsberg camp to up the ante for any potential offer from serious contenders. On the bright side, it looks like Bill Wirtz really is dead. This would never have happened under his dictatorship.

Richard Zednik Is Lucky In More Ways Than One

2008-02-17T16:34:00.000-08:00

That's Richard Zednik, he of the severed carotid artery, up and ready to leave Buffalo. And that's his wife in the middle. Wouldn't you like to have her caring for your every need during your recovery? Her name is Jessica Welch and she's an actress.

EDIT: Since a lot of people seem to be curious about Jessica Welch, here's one more photo to get those hormones going (I believe she's the one on the left).

Know Your NHL GM

2008-02-17T15:45:00.000-08:00

With the trade deadline rapidly approaching, it would be a good idea for sports fans to get better acquainted with their favorite team's general manager. And by "better acquainted," I mean being able to pick him or her (not bloody likely) out of a police lineup. Here are your 30 NHL general managers with mugshot goodness, courtesy of TSN. (click the pic for a larger version)

Note: This activity can easily be adapted into a Guess Who? version and/or a drinking game.

The answers:

First row (starting left)
Doug Risebrough (Minnesota Wild)
Don Waddell (Atlanta Thrashers)
Jim Rutherford (Carolina Hurricanes)
David Poile (Nashville Predators)
Lou Lamoriello (New Jersey Devils)
Brian Burke (Anaheim Ducks)
Ray Shero (Pittsburgh Penguins)
Darcy Regier (Buffalo Sabres)
Bob Gainey (Montreal Canadiens)
Kevin Lowe (Edmonton Oilers)

Second row (starting left)
Don Maloney (Phoenix Coyotes)
Paul Holmgren (Philadelphia Flyers)
Peter Chiarelli (Boston Bruins)
Brett Hull (Dallas Stars)
Ken Holland (Detroit Red Wings)
Darryl Sutter (Clagary Flames)
Jay Feaster (Tampa Bay Lightning)
Doug Wilson (San Jose Sharks)
Dave Nonis (Vancouver Canucks)
Cliff Fletcher (Toronto Maple Leafs)

Third row (starting right, just to mess with you)
Dean Lombardi (Los Angeles Kings)
Jacques Martin (Florida Panthers)
Garth Snow (New York Islanders)
Scott Howson (Columbus Blue Jackets)
Bryan Murray (Ottawa Senators)
Dave Tallon (Chicago Blackhaws)
Larry Pleau (St. Louis Blues)
Francois Giguere (Colorado Avalanche)
George McPhee (Washington Capitals)
Glenn Sather (New York Rangers)

The Sweetest Tripping Penalty Ever

2007-12-08T12:07:00.000-08:00

Marian Gaborik learns the hard way that keeping your head down on a breakaway might not be the best idea.

Brian Burke Won't Stand For Mediocrity

2007-11-16T08:41:00.000-08:00

In somewhat surprising news, TSN reports that the Ducks have placed stellar backup goalie Ilya Bryzgalov on waivers. Bryzgalov won't stay available for long as a number of teams have goaltending issues. Bryzgalov doesn't have much choice in the matter and he might wind up playing for a Canadian team like the Oilers or Leafs, despite his feelings on the Great White North.

This move is likely an attempt by Burke to dump salary, which signals the possible return of Scott Niedermayer and/or Teemu Selanne. Burke has been rumored to be shopping Bryzgalov for a few months now with nobody willing to meet his asking price. Brian Burke isn't one to make panic moves so this latest development most likely means that another big move by the Ducks is on the horizon. Besides, Niedermayer has been conspicuously silent these past few days. The hockey world has missed his non-committal news conferences.

Another Brilliant Move By The NHL

2007-11-13T20:24:00.000-08:00

It was announced today that NHL commissioner Gary Bettman plans to host a weekly one-hour call-in show on XM Satellite Radio. Yep, the Gary Bettman will be taking your questions every week for an hour, or less, depending on the annoyance of callers. I give it two shows before the people in charge of fielding (and screening) calls blow their brains out and the call-in portion of the show is reduced to a minute.

The NHL Hour will air on Thursdays, from 4 to 5 p.m., on XM channel 204, starting on November 27.

Bill Clement will co-host. Rumor has it he was selected for his ability to hang up calls in record time.

Senior vice-president of hockey operations Colin Campbell and Deputy NHL commissioner Bill Daly will host the shows on weeks that Bettman is unavailable.

The call-in phone number is 1-877-645-6696.

The Hall Of Fame Opens Its Doors Tonight

2007-11-12T13:32:00.000-08:00

Tonight, the Hockey Hall of Fame welcomes its class of 2008 and what a class it is as Mark Messier, Ron Francis, Al MacInnis and Scott Stevens take their rightful place in hockey history. NHL executive Jim Gregory will also be enshrined, in the builder's category. There's not much to say that hasn't been said yet about the four player inductees, so I'll let these video tributes remind you of the exploits of four legends of the game.

Mark Messier

Ron Francis

Scott Stevens

Al MacInnis

Jeremy Roenick Gets His 500th

2007-11-11T17:52:00.000-08:00

Jeremy Roenick notched the 500th goal of his career last night in a 4-1 Sharks win over the Coyotes. JR Superstar has always been an unusual cat compared to most professional hockey players and his milestone goal fits him to a tee. Goalie Alex Auld probably deserves some sort of assist on the goal.

Roenick becomes the 40th member of the 500 goal club and its third American-born player.

The crowd even hung around for a nice post-game celebration that saw JR take a few victory laps around the ice with his son Brett and give an emotional speech that everyone was listening to carefully, except Patrick Roy who now has four Stanley Cup rings plugging his ears.

The Sabres Invite More Of You To Freeze To Death

2007-11-10T23:11:00.000-08:00

When the Amp Energy NHL Winter Classic sold out in record time, many fans were left empty-handed. Thankfully, there's some good news for the disappointed fans who couldn't secure tickets for the outdoor game. The Sabres have announced plans to hold a special drawing for 4,500 additional seats. Fans who's names are drawn will get the opportunity to purchase between two and four tickets for the game at $10 a ticket. That's not all as the seats being offered up are located in the first 15 rows of Ralph Wilson Stadium. That's $10 for ice-level seats. So what's the catch?

"Catches" would be more appropriate.

The 4,500 tickets are for "obstructed-view" seats, meaning that fans lucky enough to sit in them won't necessarily get a clear view of the game. According to Larry Quinn, Sabres Managing Partner, "you'll be able to see the players if you're up in row 10. You'll see parts of the ice but the lower you go the dasher boards will obstruct your view of the ice surface but not of the game. You'll see the players." Of course, the puck mostly stays on the ice so unless Versus breaks out some sort of extreme Glowing Puck 2.0, you won't be seeing rubber from those seats. But hey, obstructed-view seats might not be so bad with the way the Sabres are playing this season.

That's not all. Remember when I mentioned that fans were allowed to buy between two and four tickets? Well, one of those tickets has to be for a person who's 16 or younger, so if some creepy dude from Buffalo starts messaging your kid on MySpace in the next few days, there is a small chance he might not be a pedophile.

To get in on the drawing, hockey fans, or interested scalpers, need to head over to this link. Registration lasts until Friday, November 16 at 5:00 p.m. ET.

How Much Is Your Favorite NHL Team Worth?

2007-11-09T08:28:00.000-08:00

Forbes released its annual NHL team valuation list and it seems the Maple Leafs lead the league in something other than consecutive non-championship seasons. Forbes estimates the Leafs are worth $413 million. The Rangers and Red Wings follow with $365 million and $293 million respectively. Bringing up the rear are the lowly Nashville Predators at $143 million.

Here's the complete list:

#1 Toronto Maple Leafs: Team Value: $413 mil
#2 New York Rangers: Team Value: $365 mil
#3 Detroit Red Wings: Team Value: $293 mil
#4 Montreal Canadiens: Team Value: $283 mil
#5 Dallas Stars: Team Value: $254 mil
#6 Philadelphia Flyers: Team Value: $244 mil
#7 Boston Bruins: Team Value: $243 mil
#8 Colorado Avalanche: Team Value: $214 mil
#9 Vancouver Canucks: Team Value: $211 mil
#10 Los Angeles Kings: Team Value: $209 mil
#11 Tampa Bay Lightning: Team Value: $199 mil
#12 Anaheim Ducks: Team Value: $197 mil
#13 New Jersey Devils: Team Value: $195 mil
#14 Ottawa Senators: Team Value: $186 mil
#15 Minnesota Wild: Team Value: $180 mil
#16 Chicago Blackhawks: Team Value: $179 mil
#17 San Jose Sharks: Team Value: $165 mil
#18 Calgary Flames: Team Value: $164 mil
#19 Buffalo Sabres: Team Value: $162 mil
#20 Edmonton Oilers: Team Value: $157 mil
#21 Carolina Hurricanes: Team Value: $156 mil
#22 Pittsburgh Penguins: Team Value: $155 mil
#23 Florida Panthers: Team Value: $151 mil
#24 Columbus Blue Jackets: Team Value: $150 mil
#25 New York Islanders: Team Value: $149 mil
#26 Atlanta Thrashers: Team Value: $148 mil
#27 Phoenix Coyotes: Team Value: $147 mil
#28 Washington Capitals: Team Value: $145 mil
#29 St Louis Blues: Team Value: $144 mil
#30 Nashville Predators: Team Value: $143 mil

For a more detailed list, head over to Forbes.

Bobby Clarke Still Doing The Opposite After All These Years

2007-11-08T20:58:00.000-08:00

With Eric Lindros retiring, everyone seems to feel the need to weigh in on whether or not he belongs in the Hockey Hall of Fame. TSN gathered its hockey experts (at playing the game and not managing teams, obviously) for a spirited discussion on the merits of the Lindros case and what a vortex of GM suck that panel is. Surprisingly, Bobby Clarke believes that Eric Lindros deserves to be in the Hall of Fame and that Lindros' career was damaged by injuries and the crap around him. A self-insult, that's a first for Bobby Clarke, but I'm glad to see he's still doing the opposite of what everyone expects of him, like playing classy hockey with the Soviets or deciding never to acquire a real goaltender for his team.

Now some people will argue that stats are all that should matter when considering players for induction but I firmly believe that other attributes need to be looked at and if a player has no heart, has a tendency to whine until he gets his way or happens to rape little kittens in his spare time, it should be brought up when assessing his HOF case.

Niedermayer Continues Not Being A Distraction To His Team

2007-11-08T08:09:00.000-08:00

Word out of Anaheim is that Scott Niedermayer has begun skating with former teammates Travis Green and Jeff Friesen and could rejoin the Ducks by mid-December. The Ducks have been struggling without Niedermayer, ~~Dustin Penner~~ and Teemu Selanne. Niedermayer's agent is predictably downplaying the whole thing, saying that his client still hasn't made up his mind and probably won't for another month. Surprisingly, Scott Niedermayer didn't feel the need to call another news conference, like he did back in September, to make his non-announcement.

Barry Melrose Hates Newark

2007-11-07T09:52:00.000-08:00

ESPN hockey analyst and resident mullet spokesperson Barry Melrose is backpedaling this week after claiming just last week that the area around the Devils' new Prudential Center in Newark was unsafe. Said Melrose of the arena last week:

It looks great on the inside but don't go outside, especially if you got a wallet or anything else because the area around the building is awful.

Those comments prompted a predictably angry response from city officials. Police Director Garry McCarthy claimed that as of yesterday, not one visitor to the arena has been the victim of a crime. Then again, the arena has only been open for a week.

City Council President Mildred Crump also chimed in, saying that "security was so tight around the arena you would have thought George W. Bush was in town," which begs the obvious question of why security has to be so tight in that area if it's not a dangerous place?

It turns out that Barry Melrose was right for once and that, despite the disinformation campaign being spewed by Newark officials, if you hang around the Prudential Center long enough, you run the risk of losing your personal belongings. Since the beginning of the year, there have been 18 non-violent offenses (think theft) and three violent offenses, not counting the Devils' performance, in the streets surrounding the new arena (click the map for a larger view).

I guess that's what passes for a "safe place" in Newark.

Out With The New, In With The Old

2007-11-06T20:18:00.000-08:00

Shop.NHL.com has unveiled the vintage uniforms to be worn by the Pittsburgh Penguins and Buffalo Sabres for their outdoor tilt at Ralph Wilson Stadium on New Year's Day. One thing's for sure, the Pens and Sabres are going to be rocking some sweet duds at AMP Energy NHL Vintage Winter InsertBrandName2 Heritage Legacy Classic with these babies (click the image for a larger view).